I hate making mistakes, for the record. Maybe it is my OCD, maybe my nurses training, maybe part of being human. But I hate making mistakes.
Why is it then that I have landed in the middle of a profession where to err viewed not as human, but negligent, bad practice, or just downright wrong?
No, my error was not fatal. No harm came of it. No one got angry and yelled at me because of it. No patient was harmed. No one said that I was a bad nurse because of it. I just got a little flack from the nurse I gave report to who said “Oh, we don’t do that here.” But she tends to be crabby anyway.
But after I realized what I had done immediately my brain spun down that familiar drain of indecision, insecurity and nervousness. Am I good enough at what I do, do I do a good job, am I a good nurse? Is this the job for me? Maybe I should just quite while I’m ahead…there seems to be too much risk doing this…why can’t I just make espresso for a living?
To err IS human.
I cannot live my life in constant fear of making mistakes. I am a good nurse. I do a good job.
But sometimes I make mistakes and I can’t explain why. They just happen.
And maybe, if I could ever get to a point where I don’t pound myself to the ground because of them, I will be an even better nurse.
I still have to worry enough about mistakes to not make them….but not worry enough about mistakes to hinder my practice as a nurse.
If I don’t go crazy first.
going from failure
Sir Winston Churchill
“Because now I know that I’m not Super Nurse — I’m human just like everyone else.”
Theresa Brown, RN